A History of an Engagement with φιλια (cont.)

Chapter IV. When Love was not Enough

Because my Cancer: when entering rooms, familiar paths to familiar faces–how I saw them looking over my head.‘Cause I’ve got friends in all the right places, I know what they want, and I know they don’t want me to stay.* This carved out my shell. My voice not audible, I dared not speak; my hands I couldn’t see. Estrangement, embodied. This carved out my shell. So sick for the sound of singing. When I need you, I need it quickly. And I needed it quickly; but I knew–knew you didn’t want me to stay, as I longed to write Love all over your walls. Diomedes and Achilles to name a few. Always asking: could I look into your bright eyes and know I was born, worth the ground you walked on. Always asking: could I hold your head in my hands and laugh with sweet unanimity. My Cancer, thinking I needed you so quickly. I’ve got friends in all the right places, I know what they want, and I know they don’t want me to stay. When you would look over my head and I couldn’t see your hands so I would just turn inside and walk away. In fact, you’ll never know…when I need you, I need it quickly–

 

*Manchester Orchestra, “I’ve Got Friends”

 

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