at what point does the person on scene engage in CPR

i wake up after midnight in another coughing fit
choking out watery spit
the leftovers still sloshing my lungs from the time you held me under

i was waving my arms like Hey remember?
we were blanketed on your couch like Hey you can crash for the night
and i was leaning in like Hey i think you’re beautiful all right

like Hey this is completely normal right
and your hand behind my head like Hey you’ve caught my attention
like Hey you’re close to something i wouldn’t mind loving
after you paused to ask You ok? like Hey are you having a hard time breathing or something
and i said Yeah i’m fine like Hey come closer
when it should’ve been Wait i’m not sure like Hey be gentle i’m honestly on the verge of breaking

right there! first, it happened where i let myself out of your car that night and made you promise me you wouldn’t pretend / the next morning i found some of myself shattered in the cracks of the driveway

i kept collecting more pieces in weird places, crumpled and strewn
— a broken vertebra in my pillowcase, my shoulder blade in the kitchen sink
shards of ribs, scattered around on the trail i use to walk to work
and right beneath that bay laurel tree over there, shavings of skin and muscle tissue

i don’t even want to talk about what i found under the bench the same one where we sat down together under a sunlit redwood fairy ring / under your dark serene gaze so you could state how you weren’t really in the business of looking for the rest of me

your hands on my shoulders like This won’t hurt a bit no bruising no bleeding

your hands on my shoulders like Try to hold your breath as long as you can underwater


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