AMERICAN RED CROSS

 

CERTIFIES THAT [your patron ghost]  HAS SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED REQUIREMENTS FOR LIFEGUARDING [Date completed: 05/17/2014 the first known sighting of our patron ghost] WITH COMPREHENSIVE UNDERSTANDING OF THE ACRONYMS FA/AED/CPR/EAP [valid 2 years between each festival of our patron ghost]

cement cold as cathedral walls
complete with a ten-foot vat of holy water you may piss in only if you pass the swim test
please be seated for the reading
it’s one thing to prepare to hold your breath it’s another to be suddenly underwater
please stand to recite the location of the automated external defibrillator

twelve laps with your sweats on go
then you may take turns three sets of thirty
dripping clouds of chlorinated incense amongst the congregation
do my eyes look red?–they sure sting and you look blurry
cross your chest compressions

PLEASE STAND

cardio pulmonary resuscitation
cardio pulmonary restitution
kardia pneuma recitative
­           this is the heart // prepare a poultice of figs dewed with milky sap
­                   take and eat and give thanks
­          this is the spirit // pour the fermented amber hopped to a frothy head
­                   drink from it and give thanks
­                            or wait is it the other way around
­                   give thanks before you hey wait
­          come back and give
thanks i’m not waving i’m

PLEASE BE SEATED

she blows her whistle screaming
activate the EAP
shoot how does this one go again
emergency action

i’m not waving i’m

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